Maureen Stapleton: Don't Drift Away
“You do not abandon people. You do not drift away. You give a shit or a damn or a flying fuck. But you stay. And you return."
A memorial service was held for Maureen Stapleton at the Circle in the Square Theatre in 2006, at which Lee Grant eulogized the actress—her great friend—by reminding us that during the Blacklist, a twelve-year period when Grant could not find work in the film and television industries, only two women repeatedly stood up for her and spoke out in her defense: Maureen Stapleton and Kim Stanley.
Grant’s memory of Stapleton was ardent, and she left the theatre once she had finished. I later got to interview and to know Lee Grant, and we spoke of these two extraordinary women, and I was able to share what the women had said to me about loyalty, about friendship, about what Maureen Stapleton called “the absolute certainty that you do not abandon people—any people—when you might offer some help. Sometimes you might be the only help they have. I have been helped. I have to help in return.”
Here is Maureen Stapleton, in Lenox, Massachusetts, in the fall of 1991:
James Grissom: “I told you the story about Elizabeth Taylor in San Francisco…
Maureen Stapleton: “Yes, marvelous divinity that she is. We talked about that day. We talked about you. I had not heard that story, but it is typical of Elizabeth.”
James Grissom: “So she walks into that hospital, into the AIDS ward, and they bring her a protective suit. A Hazmat suit…
Maureen Stapleton: “…I can just see her face…”
James Grissom: "…And she says, ‘I’m not wearing that. These guys need skin; they need holding. They’re going to get me.”
Maureen Stapleton: “They’re going to get me, I’m guessing.”
James Grissom: “Yes. So they bring her a document to sign, indemnifying the hospital of any and all damages if she should contract the AIDS virus.”
Maureen Stapleton: “Bastards.”
James Grissom: “And she signs, and she glowers at the person, and she says ‘Let me tell you something: I’d rather die doing the right thing than live being a shit.’”
Maureen Stapleton: “That’s Elizabeth. She personified that attitude always, all the time. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. She’s a divinity.”
James Grissom: “So Chen Sam [pr agent for both Taylor and Stapleton] tells me you are the same.”
Maureen Stapleton: “Bullshit.”
James Grissom: “No, she said that. Here’s the letter…”
Maureen Stapleton: "…Oh, I don’t doubt that she said it or wrote it or thought it. I’m just saying it’s bullshit.”
James Grissom: “Why do you say that?”
Maureen Stapleton: “Well, you don’t brag, you know? If I sometimes manage to do the right thing, the brave thing, it’s because of how I was raised. I’ve told you before that the cardinal rule is ‘Don’t be a shit.’ I do not want to be a shit. I do not want to be around shits. I think the easiest thing to do—or it should be easiest thing to do—is to do the right thing. Someone is hurting—you help. Someone is in need—you give. If you can. But you can give something…”
James Grissom: “…Tenn [Williams] said you can give an ear or a shoulder, at the very least.”
Maureen Stapleton: “Yeah, and he hated the pass-off. You know, I’m thinking of you. I’m praying for you. What did you call it?”
James Grissom: “Intercessory prayer.”
Maureen Stapleton: “Yeah, that’s bullshit. Passing the buck. The spiritual buck. I was raised Catholic, so I can’t shake the belief that there is a God, there is a set of rules. If I pray—and I don’t, sadly—it’s to get my ass in motion. To get me together. It’s not to get you well or fed or calm. That’s my job. Or somebody’s job. Whoever hears your need. That was what Elizabeth was all about, and it wasn’t some spiritual show for her. I never saw or heard it. I just heard her talking about making the world go ‘round. Making things better. To her it was not big deal, but it was a huge fucking deal.”
James Grissom: “This is going to be hard, because I don’t know what Tenn was talking about, or when this might have happened…”
Maureen Stapleton: “…or it if happened. He was imaginative.”
James Grissom: “But he talks about lying on bed—as he put it—with you and what you would say to him to keep him going, to let him know he might be okay.”
Maureen Stapleton: “I never told him he was going to be okay. What the fuck do I know? I don’t know if any of us are going to be okay. Am I going to be okay? I don’t know. But what I told him—and what I want to tell everyone—is that we are not going to be alone. We are not going to be abandoned. We are not going to be offered a prayer and a pat on the shoulder and an exit. We—I—am going to hang around and do what I can, say what I should, and be here when the sun rises and we go out to not know a fucking thing about what the day might present. That’s what I told him. That’s what I could promise him. That’s all I can promise anyone, really. I can give you some food and some Blue Nun and my time. There might be some other things I can offer you, but my time and my interest—my real interest—is what I have, always will have, and will give.”
James Grissom: “That’s great.”
Maureen Stapleton: “You do not abandon people. You do not drift away. You give a shit or a damn or a flying fuck. But you stay. And you return. There are risks, maybe. But like Elizabeth said, ‘I’d rather dying doing the right thing.’ The risk of being a coward is worse than whatever you can face. The test—for me—is what we bring to this—what?—experiment, game, adventure. It’s what we do and how we do it. Do not be a shit.”
Next: Kim Stanley on the same subject.